Tired, energetic, happy, sad. Each day of the training I go through different stages. Physically, mentally… but mostly emotionally it has a huge impact on me. It feels like I am flying or a little bit drunk. Like, that this, being here and learning all this, is not really happening. A dream, a different life. A way of living, which feels too good to be true. I have to say… I feel really, really happy.
Yes… gazing like always haha.
‘Yoga’ is so much more than going to a yoga class. It is truly, a way of living. And by this way of living becoming more and more silent within yourself. And be really, just, in the moment. Nothing seems to matter anymore.
Another day I was walking barefoot (my new shoes are called ‘Duck Feet’ – once I start selling them I will let you know ;-)). It was in my lunch break. Feeling the earth below my feet, a warm breeze. I kept walking, closed my eyes for a while. Just taking it in. Then, out of a sudden, I felt like running. So I started running, slowly, with my arms and chest open. And it was really just me, running. Sun on my skin. No thoughts, nothing. Just in the present moment and I felt so, so light.
Compassion, peacefulness. Towards myself and others. Ahimsa is one of the restraints (Yamas) which basically means ‘self-controlled behavior’. So, control myself with harming others or myself. Moreover: just try to not do harm others nor myself.
Instead of killing all the ants bothering me in relaxation pose, letting them be. They don’t tease me on purpose (or are they… I don’t understand ‘ant’ language (yet) haha).
Instead of adding my opinion to an already ‘heated’ discussion, neutralizing the discussion by simply pointing out that everyone has their own preference and it’s all good.
Instead of being sad, not reaching my toes in seated forward bend, embracing it’s a process. That it’s good to focus first on my lower back and hips, bending forward the right way and trust it will eventually come (and if not, it’s ok too).
Live and let live
Last week we got all one Yama or Niyama and were asked to think about them. My Yama was Ahimsa. Surprise surprise: an unprepared seven minutes ‘presentation’ in a sharing circle. I spoke openly about the relationship with my mother. It simply came up in my mind. How it’s always been a bit of a struggle. Her criticism in general about my lifestyle which she does not seem to understand. From living a quite minimalistic life (“You could once buy yourself more clothes Deike, dress yourself nicely…”) to not eating at set times like she does because I simply like to eat when I am hungry. There is always some kind of tension when she and I are together. I always thought it is my mother, being ‘the problem’. If it comes to simply -live and let live-, I am quite OK. But am I, really?
I realized, not sure when but already quite a while ago, I am not. Maybe with others, but not with my mother. I judged her a lot… For easily talking ‘bad’ about other people. How they live their life and her hard opinion about it. For buying another pair of shoes even though she already has 20. For always interrupting someone in a conversation. For talking about all world problems and negative things she takes in by watching television which we, unfortunately, can’t really change. For her love for our dog which is indeed super cute, but is always priority number 1.
How much compassion, peacefulness, did I really have towards my own mother. One day she won’t be here anymore! I started crying…
She does so many good things. And is such a warm, caring person.
The world would truly be a better place with more Ahimsa. Peacefulness, compassion. To ourselves and others. Embracing how it is, instead wanting it to change.
I love you mum.
…. I am neither perfect so please embrace that I still get sometimes annoyed haha (L)